Knowing how important it is to document every portion of this journey to Lucy, I felt I need to put into writing for her to read someday, the way I am feeling. It has been 3 weeks waiting for our dossier to be finished. My goal had been to be DTC by the end of February, and here we are through the first week of March, with no word. I know that in the scheme of things this is such a short time, compared to all the waiting still to do. The most frustrating of all...is not being able to do anything to hurry it along...my part is done.
Our sweet girl will be 3 1/2 on Monday, and when we first saw her face she had only turned 3 one month prior... Now it seems by the time she's home she will quickly turn 4...we have already missed out on so much of her life, and everyday we wait seems like we are missing that much more. I can't seem to focus on much of anything...her room sits empty waiting for paint...I have waited my whole life to decorate a little girl's room, but never allowed myself to imagine how it would look...so I struggle with trying to decide bedding, paint, etc~ I know all that matters is the love I put into it.
In light of these things...here are my reflections~
~"My goal" is not what's important, I have trusted the Lord in every step of this journey, and I will trust that his timing is always perfect
~I am grateful that we will get to celebrate Lucy's 4th birthday with her!
~I need to start focusing on all the things that I would like to have done before Lucy comes home...because once she is home, she will be my focus
~Knowing that we will not bring Lucy home until summer...I can focus all my attention on the boys and their activities as school winds down for the year
~Our next few months are full of birthdays, Easter, a wedding, and showers...so many wonderful things to celebrate
~I will wait to be inspired by something "I love" for Lucy's bedroom
I'm so sorry that things are taking longer than you planned! You are having such a great attitude about it. I'm keep you all in my prayers for God's perfect timing. Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteDawn,
ReplyDeleteI know this wait must be so hard, especially since you have seen Lucy's sweet face! Hang in there! I love that you are waiting for the perfect things to inspire Lucy's room....it will be that much more special! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Taryn
I so understand your frustration. I was right there with you. Towards the end of our wait I was just a mess and I look back and wish I would have relaxed a bit. It is a tough line to walk becuase you want to be there for your boys but you are so focused on your little girl. You remember our case with being skipped and then getting Mia who ended up being PERFECT!! I didnt understand at the time but in hindsight I can look back and see God's hand in the whole situation. When Kevin broke his hip I could not understand why-- especially so close to when we were suppoed to get our referral. What I didnt understant at the time was that kevin's accident allowed him to not only be at home before we went to CHina to give the boys extra time and attention, but he was also able to be home for 8 months full time with Mia before returning to work. How many men have that amazing opportunity. Then the whole situation of being skipped and Mia's file not even being ready when we were skipped and it being prepared the day after we were skipped. That whole situation just SCREEMED GOD!! God knew what He was doing in our situation and He knows what He is doing in your situation also. It is so hard to trust and I still struggle with that but there is a perfect time to get Lucy and it will happen at the perfect time. We hope that is sooner than later but it is all in Gods time-- you know that. Anyway, I totally understand and I will pray for you!!
ReplyDeleteChristy :)
You really do have a great attitude ~ but it's ok to be frustrated too. All this waiting is tough stuff! I remember thinking I missed SO much of Mia as a baby ~ but now I realize she needed me so much and it was amazing to see her growth - and still is! You have a lot to keep you busy until the summer ~ by the time we did Mia's room and shopped for clothes, etc we were getting our TA - you'll be amazed at how the time flys and you'll be home for 6 mos, like us!!
ReplyDeleteThatta girl!!! I know this is not how you want things but I LOVE how you are really doing your best to remain positive. I love your list and it inspires me to re-evaluate how I've been approaching some things in my life, too.
ReplyDeleteI'll pray for some very unexpected (positive) surprises for you and your family.
Hold tight to the goal!
Lisa
I am sending a huge hug your way right now. I remember that ache in my heart as well. I couldn't stand living month to month not knowing where we stood or when we would see our little girl. I had Myah's nursery finished for almost a year and finally a month before we got her I changed it, I felt that I needed to do something for her and that was about the only thing I could do at that point, and you know what it made me feel so much better. I am so glad that the busy season is upon you and you have those 3 beautiful boys to keep your schedule full. Lucy is one lucky little girl. She is going to love you! Hang in there sweetie, this will all be worth it, keep the faith!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful list of reflections. I know the waiting is sooo hard and as Joanne said it is OK to be frustrated too! I remember going through so many emotions during our wait! You are going through your "labor pains" and it is OK (and I feel healthy) to do that!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy these special days with your boys! Before you know it your days will be filled and busy with the joys of raising your daughter!
Just curious, have you read many books on bonding and attachment? I know that is something I wish I would have done more of during our wait. Hope you don't mind me asking:)
Blessings!!!
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder -- I really needed to read this today.
This wait is so hard, harder still when we want it done on our terms and we're not in charge.
You are 100% correct in all of your points...I feel like I should write them down on an index card and tape it to my mirror to read each and every day (of course, I'll change the name "Lucy" to "Ella"...)
Have a wonderful weekend with those boys!
Just recently, my sil said to me, "Well, I could have never stood the wait, I would not have put up with THAT!" I had to laugh out loud, what else can you do?
ReplyDeleteThat is your baby, the Lord is blessing you with wonderful Lucy; and for reasons no one will ever understand, His timing is so much more than we should have to handle. But, you will handle it, and when she is placed lovingly in your arms, the waiting melts away yielding pure joy and perhaps some struggles, but strugles you relish because the journey has been so long.
Thank you for sharing your heart, your honesty...Lucy is on her way and we will be there rejoicing when she comes home to you!
Love to you,
Heather
A wonderful attitude.....it will all happen in God's time! ;)
ReplyDeleteLucy will be home before you know it. The time will pass and you will have a whole lifetime of special memories to make with your daughter.
ReplyDeleteI so admire you attitude to stay positive and focus on the good. You have a daughter. You have seen her gorgeous face, and the waiting must be incredibly difficult, but it is part of the journey to bring Lucy home.
One day, she will read these words, and it will only serve as a reminder of how much she is loved.
The waiting is SO hard and the feeling of it being out of your hands is the one of the hardest parts.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right though.... God's timing is always perfect!
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteI feel so sad reading this post. I know how that longing feels. We went through some really devastating pitfalls on our journey to Kate (one whole adoption that fell through as we were next). It is a physical ache to be with our child. I pray for you and for your last few months without Lucy. I know every day matters once you see their precious little face. Stay strong. Lucy will be home soon and it will seem like she was there forever.
hugs,
KIm
Oh, I LOVED this post! Just what i needed to hear to keep my own perspective well. Thank you! I am so glad to have read this and am so glad that you are such a wise woman!!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you anyway though, to HURRY all the uncontrollables UP!
what a beautiful post. i am so touched by your steadfast spirit for lucy. what a precious child she is!!
ReplyDeletethank you for leaving such a sweet note for Lil. i know she will be so touched.
blessings to your family
xo
Oh Dawn, I'm sending you a big hug....it's understandable to feel helpless in your wait to bring Lucy home. I think you are doing the best that anyone could and I hope the events coming up will help even more.
ReplyDeleteSoon there will be baby dolls and hair ribbons and all kinds of girlie stuff around that house. :)
Oh I know how very hard and long the wait is. There is nothing I can say to make it better- but, I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers and hope Miss Lucy is with you very soon. Hang in there!
ReplyDelete